Growing

As an actor, I love to grow. I think that every artist always strives to find new discoveries and ways to expand their craft. “Good enough” isn’t only not an option, it’s not possible. There’s always something more to learn. That’s exciting!!

So, here I am in rehearsals for the play I’m doing. They are coming along, slowly, and I am working to find “moments” and to develop the character which I am portraying. 

Then everything changes.

We found out that the lead character, the play’s namesake, is now going to be portrayed by a different actor. 

Holy poop.

So now, two weeks until opening, I am basically starting the process over again from scratch. I mean, the frame is still there, but “she”…A.C….is now going to be a different woman. Each person brings a different perspective to a scene, a new reaction, and evokes new responses. It’s exciting for me, in one way, since I have the chance to start fresh and find new and interesting (and genuine) moments and reactions. Learning who my character is when interacting with THIS character. It’s a wonderful and fascinating process.

However, it’s also a bit scary. This is a vulnerable period in a character’s development, and I am not used to working my way through so soon before I will present the character to an audience. Perhaps that sense of urgency will add to the passion…fuel the desire…make me WORK harder. I don’t know.

People change who they are, depending on their environment, to a certain extent. I don’t know if they are aware of it, though. As an actor, I know that my cast, stage, props, setting, and even costume can affect and change who my character is and how I act/react.

I wonder what it would be like to do character studies using non-actors in different situations and see if the choices and changes they make match what an actor would do with his/her character.  Isn’t life a constant process of evolution and adaptation? Stage isn’t that different from life. Perhaps if people were as conscious off the stage of how their environment was affecting their behavior, it might solve some issues in life. In communication. 

Just random thoughts.

Ok. Back to studying my lines.

Sexy

“I find the whole concept of being ‘sexy’ embarrassing and confusing…” Emma Watson.

She continues to elaborate on that topic, but I love her first sentence.

I see myself as a very awkward and weird girl. Which is NOT a negative! It’s just who I am, and I’m 100% ok with that. I don’t do “sexy” and I don’t really do “beautiful”. I do me. Sometimes it works out nicely (pretty), and sometimes I look like a hot mess (uuuuuuber awkward). :) I think there’s freedom in being who you are, as opposed to what a lot of people might prefer. 

My theatre company, The Shelter, had a night of performances on Wednesday. We had so much fun and a really great audience. We also had a photo booth. It’s interesting, looking at all of the photos. So many beautiful people…looking stunning, even when they are being funny. Then…there’s me. Awkward McGee. Sometimes I wish I could pull of the “pretty” look better, but I accept what I have to offer. 

Besides, maybe, to some people, awkwardness and originality is sexy. 

Just keep the camera put away. :)

Life.

It’s been almost a month since I have written anything. The past few weeks have been filled with rehearsals, studying lines, and trying to figure out how I am going to pay my bills. I think I have it worked out for this upcoming month, however, although it’s not easy. No one wants to be that friend who doesn’t go out or support others…but I really don’t want to share that I’ll have about $30 extra this month and I’d rather use it on making sure I have food in my pantry (especially since I seem to be losing weight, which I really don’t need to do). That’s a good reason, but who needs to  know that, right? So, I’ll just keep saying I’m busy, and hope people still invite me when I have the money.

This is a weird thing, my sharing what my situation is. I think it’s easier here, since no one I know will be reading it. It’s cathartic, being able to get out my thoughts and fears. No one wants to bring down friends or look pathetic (or whine), but it’s necessary to keep worries from being bottled up. 

Therapy session over. Now to some thoughts on being sexy…

 

Anonymity: The catalyst for pure honesty in a world so overly connected.

Friend me on Facebook. Follow me on Twitter and Instagram. Connect with me on LinkedIn. Here’s my blog. Here’s my email. Here’s my number.

The need to be social. The need to be connected. The need for personal branding.

Liberals. Conservatives. Intellectuals. Goofballs. Christian. Muslim. Jewish. Agnostic. Atheist. Open-minded. Close-minded. And on and on and on.

The world is not made up of only one sort of person. It’s simply impossible to please everyone. In a world which is so incredibly connected and yet where we are loosing the art of true communication. People feel a power behind their computer. As we loose the ability or availability to talk to one another, people are becoming more bold at what they post online. Which only opens them up to criticism and judgment from the spectators.

So, how does one learn to express oneself in a world which is growing apart as fast as it’s becoming more connected? Empathy is being replaced by apathy. “Your” problems aren’t as important as “my” problems or “their” problems, so we don’t want to hear them. The society creates people with no real outlet, so we begin to see desperate outcries on social media. Which are unhealthily catered to, or judged, but rarely truly addressed.

Is the answer to completely close oneself off from the world? To find a means to express one’s inner thoughts and feelings where no one will hear them? To write a blog that no one will read, just to have a healthy and cathartic experience?

When will our society begin to realize that although we are more globally-minded and individually accessible, it does not equate to being relational or valued? Having people whom I don’t know “like” or “favorite” something I write does not mean they care anything about me as a person, only that something in that moment spoke to who they are or about what they enjoy.

Perhaps the answer is to know a person for at least a month before becoming involved via social media. To take the time and get to know that person through conversation, rather than viewing their “likes,” “interests,” and photos.

No one is going to read this, most likely. That gives me such a feeling of freedom. To be who I am without the worry of who is going to say it’s not good enough or it doesn’t agree with what they think. Honest expression. What a sad time when one feels the need to hide among strangers in order to freely be his or herself.

Maybe we should learn to take a break from our personal branding and work on simply being personal.

 

Searching

What an ominous title. I could go all metaphysical or some crap…but I think I’ll refrain. You’re welcome.

Today I am searching for monologues to use at auditions. Because, well, I need work. And to perform. Preferably, these two will come hand-in-hand. (Insert a sad chuckle, here)

It’s not easy for me to find monologues. I don’t know why. Maybe because I am not a “leading lady” type, although I’ve played a few. I like plays that are weird. That make the viewer uncomfortable. That force you, the viewer, to think…to reconsider something/anything/everything. Not that I’ve had the opportunity to be a part of many things which fall in that category. Buuuuuuut I’d like to!

That being said, I don’t find a lot of monologues that I “connect with” for a lack of a better phrase. I feel so ridiculous saying that, because a part of me comes up, taps me on the shoulder, and then reminds me that I’m an actor. I should be able to play anyone. Touche, other me…however I would like to have audition pieces which show both my abilities and maybe a glimpse of myself. Too much to ask? Perhaps.

So…I go back to searching. It’s both exciting and tiring. Exciting to find new pieces, tiring to constantly be in a state of work. Even when I’m not “working”…I am. Working at trying to feel settled. Working at trying to make friends. Working at trying to feel like I belong here. Working to figure out how to make ends meet. Working to find material. Working to get performance work.

But now I’m complaining. That crap’s going to stop right now.

So, I will decide that I AM going to succeed and this is an auspicious time in my life. I’m going to roll up my proverbial sleeves, pour another cup of coffee, and get to work.

Rant: finished.

Oh yeah…today marks 4 months in NYC. One more month and I will have lived here as long as I lived in the DR.

Wine and Music and Scripts

It’s Thursday evening and there is a LOT of snow outside. It’s February. It happens.

So, here I am… Sitting in my current apartment, drinking some wine, and listening to my dear friend and current roommate Maryruth play the piano and sing. Pretty much, I’m a happy camper. And what do happy campers do? Apparently they write a journal entry. So, here I go.

I’ve been quite productive today. I made a website, www.liarramichelle.com, and I made some personal business cards. Since the past few years have been pretty much completely devoted to JEERK, I find that I don’t have much to promote myself. In fact, I almost don’t remember how to promote myself.

That’s an interesting process. I feel very selfish right now. I have spent almost every moment of the past few years focused on building someone else’s brand and on making the members of that group happy. That’s where I found my fulfillment…by making sure they were happy, things were going well, and things were being done. I think I was pretty good at it, too.

But now I’m in NYC and I need to focus on myself and my own career. Or, rather, try to build one.

So…website, resume update, new business cards…oh yeah… And I got a part in a play!

That’s right *insert happy dance* a play on a freaking NYC stage. BAM! After auditioning for soooooooooo many Equity productions who didn’t take a second look at me, I auditioned for a non-equity production and got cast. I’m pretty stoked, I’m not going to lie. EHEM…and yes, people do still say “stoked”. So there. Anyways, it’s my blog. 

But I digress…

I’ll be doing a production called The Signal Season of Dummy Hoy with the New York Deaf Theatre. I’m super excited, because this production will incorporate both speaking roles alongside roles who use ASL. I have never been in a bilingual production before and I think the process (and the means by which they will communicate to both audiences) is going to be fascinating. And perhaps a bit of a challenge. I like challenges. :) True story.

One thing I am discovering, however, is that I need to learn sign language. It’s so frustrating to think your castmates seem amazingly interesting and that you could be good friends, and not be able to talk to them. I feel like a shmuck. Totally. I finished a rehearsal the other day and had a nice chat with our Artistic Director…but it was so limited by my inability to properly communicate with him. Damn.

So, that is one of my next goals. Not that you asked. But, there it is, nevertheless. 

Okee. These are my thoughts as of right now. I am inspired by my life (meaning all that is currently in my life…not necessarily anything I am doing)…I am excited to work on promoting myself and building my life/career in NYC…and I need to learn a new language. Pronto.

Oh, and I found out today that two of my dearest friends are getting married. I’m really happy for them and for everyone who finds love. I toast this next glass of wine to you, beloved friends~

Until next time…

 

Auditioning

As I mentioned before, I have been doing a lot of auditioning. This is a necessary, and yet tiring, element of my profession.

Now, if you’re someone who is very well established in this industry, or have a great agent, the process is a little easier. An appointment is set, you go in, you audition, and you leave. If you are Equity, you arrive at however-early o’clock, wait in line, and then put your name for a certain time slot. Then, you can go home (or wherever) and come back for your allotted time.

And…then there’s the rest of us.

By “us” I mean non-equity actors. This was never an issue when I acted in other places. However, if one wants to perform in a more competitive environment (Chicago, NYC, LA), this can…no, it WILL affect your opportunities.

Let me explain. Most of the high-paying and prestigious acting jobs are affiliated with a union. Actually, in NYC, most paying (even in small amounts) acting jobs are union. There are two primary acting unions: SAG (Screen Actor’s Guild) and (Actor’s) Equity.  To join a union, an actor must have performed union jobs which gave them union status (in film, one can gain waivers; on stage, one can acquire points). HOWEVER, most union gigs do not want to hire non-union for those union positions (sometimes they even have to pay penalties for doing so). It’s kind of a lose-lose situation for us. Or at least can feel that way.

But, you hope that you will find that one casting director who thinks you are worth the risk (or the money), and you still show up for those union auditions.

My day on a typical EPA (Equity Principal Audition) day:

• 4:30 a.m. — Wake up.
• 6:00 a.m. — Catch the train to the audition location.
• 6:45 a.m. — Hopefully I am already at the location and waiting in line.
• 7:30 – 10:00 a.m. — At some point during this time, an official non-eq list is started and one can sign up for the audition.
• 10:00 – ?? — Since I try to be there so early, I am usually one of the first 5 on the non-eq list.

Then the waiting begins.

When the auditions actually begin, each time slot usually has about ten auditionees. If there are any open slots, or if someone isn’t there for their time, the monitor (person running the audition) then goes to the alternative list. This is for those Equity members who didn’t get the time slot they wanted and would like to go early, if possible. Once they get through all of the alternates, they will start calling EMC’s. These are actors who have some points towards becoming union, but haven’t joined quite yet. Then…after going through all of these other hopefuls, the monitor starts on the non-equity list.

Auditions vary. Sometimes I am called in right away. Most times, I will sit there for hours, just hoping they call my name. Oh…and if they call your name and you are out of the room…your name is scratched off the list and you have to add it to the end.

So, typically, an audition process (from getting ready to leaving) can be 12-15 hours. All to audition for a job which I most likely won’t even be considered, just because of my union status.

But one must go. Because if you don’t…you never have the opportunity for someone to decide you’re worth hiring. Or at least giving a callback.

And there you have it: auditions (at least in NYC).